What’s your mom guilt, love?

What’s your mom guilt, love?

What's your mom guilt, love? I mean at this point in the game, every mom seems to have some form of guilt. So, what is yours?

I recently spoke to a friend, who after spending two days cooking, one-day cleaning and one day playing with her child she felt wrong putting her child on the Ipad so she can get a much-needed break. I often feel guilt when I'm on the computer trying to make my business dreams real while my son wants to play or read a book.

I haven't met a mom who doesn't feel the guilt from time to time. We push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion looking to be there for our child and everyone else for that matter.

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Recently, I came to terms with my mom guilt. My son is 3. There is no way he is going to remember the times I was on the computer. According to research, children tend to forget experiences before the age of 7.

If he remembers anything about his childhood, it will be that I made him laugh. I'm not saying this concept of early amnesia gives me a reason to go buck wild and never talk to my child. I couldn't even imagine not spending quality time with him. However, it does mean that I can feel less guilt when I don't spend the extra thirty minutes reading the same book because I need to finish a blog post or something.

I make informed decisions about my time. I know that when I get home from work, I have to unwind before I can feel settled. So, I crank up the kid's tunes and dance it out with my little guy. Or, we work on a craft of some kind. Doing these kinds of activities gives me an hour to unwind doing something I love (spending time with my son). My son feels connected to me during this time, and we enjoy some quality time. Once that hour is up, I can go on with the rest of my evening whether its grading, writing a post or checking up on friends.

Is it always perfect?

Of course not. What in life is perfect?

I'm certainly not. My guilt isn't perfect either.

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"Balance out the feeling of mom guilt with extra cuddles before bedtime. They will mostly remember the cuddles; they certainly won't remember your guilt."

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There are days I don't think twice about whether I'm spending enough time with my son because I'm so busy and there are times where the idea of leaving him at daycare breaks my heart. I balance those moments out with extra long talks, extra reading time or extra cuddles before bed. I know there is no one auditing my time with my son. I am the one that places the guilt on myself even though it isn't necessary.

I’m gifting my readers a free coloring page download. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect to be the perfect mom for them.

mom guilt

So, what's your mom guilt darling? How do you balance the guilt feeling with the reality of everything you do?

Women and Identity: Laureen Oliphant

Women and Identity: Laureen Oliphant

Laureen Oliphant - Business Strategist for Mompreneurs

Laureen is a time management and business strategist for mompreneurs. She helps women fix their relationship with time in order to have more in their business and more time doing the things they love with the people they love. She is te author of the upcoming book, 6-Figure Mama. 

Laureen Oliphant

Nuggets of Wisdom Shared by Laureen

  • You are not alone in this world or in your business there are networks to support you.
  • Work towards meeting your needs.
  • Do not sacrifice your mental, emotional or physical health for anything.

What inspired you to work in this business?

I have had multiple businesses and realized how important time management was to my success. Also, knowing how important moms are and how families seem better/happier when their mom is doing things that align with her calling. When moms feel more fulfilled they can give more to their loved ones. I believe women having their own businesses gives them the freedom to feel more fulfilled because it meets their needs beyond being a mother. 

Who is a woman you admire? Why?

Denise Duffield-Thomas

What is a challenge you see women face? How do you support women in getting past these challenges?

I find women struggling to grow a business while taking care of themselves mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I work with women to become more fulfilled in their  business and their lives.

 
 

What can you tell my readers about the healing process?

In order to start the healing process, women need to figure out their top values. Once they do, they can create goals and tasks that align to their values which helps them avoid feeling unwell. 

I have the power to do anything I want and to accomplish any outcome. @chooseyoulove @laureenoliphant

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What do you tell yourself in your darkest moments to keep moving forward?

I remind myself that I have the power to do anything I want and to accomplish any outcome. I just have to decide to get it done.

If you could give your younger self advice about life, what would it be?

I would tell her to just be comfortable in your own skin, face your fears. 

Danielle

What comes to mind when you hear women and identity?

I think of women letting themselves be who others view them tobe and not letting others tell them what their story is. 

Why do you believe it is important for women to follow their passions?

For women to truly THRIVE in life, we need to live a life filled with joy and passion. How can we do that if we are not following our passions and living our purpose?

Where to find Laureen:

Website: Laureen Oliphant

Facebook : Laureen Oliphant

Instagram: Laureen Oliphant

You Choose Life, Life Doesn’t Choose You

You Choose Life, Life Doesn’t Choose You

The heading of this post may make you cringe. What the heck is Elly talking about with this you choose life business? Well, I’m going to tell you…

The choices you make decides what life you life. You make a decision today that impacts how your life takes course tomorrow. On Sunday, you can choose to put together your meals for the week so that you have healthy food options or you can choose to vedge out in front of the tv or you can choose to go to the playground with your kids. None of these choices are wrong or bad, but they lead us into different directions for the week.

choose life

Choices versus results

Prepping food for the week → Healthy lunch options that save you money

Vedging in front of the tv → Relaxed state of mind

Playing with the kids at playground → Stronger relationship with your kids and they are active for the day

Again, any one of these choices leads to a positive result but unless you are a super woman you can’t necessarily do them all in one day. So you are left with a list of options and decisions to make. Which choices will you make that align with your priority? Once aligned with your priorities, you can then make choices that fall in line with that. You start creating a life full of choices that make you feel fulfilled and aligned.

The point here is that you make a choice, the choice doesn’t make you. You decide the life you create, life doesn’t create it for you.

choose life

It would be so much easier to sit back and just let life come at us but where is the joy, excitement, and learning from that.

We are not a sum of our thoughts; we are a sum of our choices.

You can choose to think more positively. You can choose to go workout. You can choose to rest. It’s your life! It’s your choice.

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When you start to appreciate that you are creating this life as you go, you can make the choices that are meaningful to you. You can choose to think more positively. You can choose to go workout. You can choose to rest. It’s your life! It’s your choice.

I am gifting you a choice making tool. If you have already outline your priorities, this one page tool will lead you to make choices that align with your priorities.

You Choose Life Journal Page!

choose life

Twitter - @chooseyoulove

Facebook - @chooseyoubeyou

Women and Identity: Danielle Fletcher

Women and Identity: Danielle Fletcher

Danielle Fletcher - The Mummy Boss

Danielle runs two business. She runs the The Mummy Boss, an online network that supports mums in business with tools and training as well as providing an online space to network and support each other. The second business, Be So You Stationairy, a successful online stationary store aimed at bringing positive stationary to everybody. She runs both businesses by herself at the moment, managing all web building and maintainenance, social media and curating content. I am currently a one women show doing my best to help other women in the same boat as me.

Danielle Fletcher

Nuggets of Wisdom Shared by Danielle

  • You are not alone in this world or in your business there are networks to support you.
  • The times will pass and to enjoy the sun as well as the rain. 
  • Work hard for your dreams.

What inspired you to work in this business?

I am mum and found it difficult to mingle in certain online groups as there didn't seem to be may groups focused on being a boss while raising babies. So, I decided to create just that, a group for mums who are steping into the role of entrepreneur while being a mom. 

The stationary I create was what catapulted me on my journey of positivity. I wanted a planner that prompted positivity but the main planners on the market a bit steep in price so I created my own in order to make them available to more people. 

Who is a woman you admire? Why?

Maya Angelou.

What is a challenge you see women face? How do you support women in getting past these challenges?

I find women struggle with remaining positive, managing their time well and planning out their goals. Through both my companies I try to help people overcome these obstacles while working on myself, my knowledge of improving these skills in people and other subjects that I can help people improve themselves. 

 
 

What can you tell my readers about the healing process?

Meditation for me seems to fix everything in your mind, body and spirit. It is a form of healing that is accessible to many and can start you on the path of better health.

Be Yourself, never give and always work hard for your dreams. @chooseyoulove @themummyboss

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What do you tell yourself in your darkest moments to keep moving forward?

I tell myself that the bad times will pass. I focus on appreciating the moments in front of me. I dance in the rain as well as in the sunshine.

If you could give your younger self advice about life, what would it be?

Be yourself, never give up, and always work hard for your dreams.

Danielle

What comes to mind when you hear women and identity?

Freedom of individuals in order for them to be themselves. 

Why do you believe it is important for women to follow their passions?

You build your confidence and ability to love yourself. 

Time For You! Moms, Schedule it and Make it Happen!

Time For You! Moms, Schedule it and Make it Happen!

If you regularly read my blog, you are a woman who always makes sure to make time for work, family, and friends but rarely take time for you. You will bust ass on the highway to make it work on time or give up on the to do list for when your child is sick. Somehow, you can make time for everything that comes at you. So, how can you tell yourself you have no time for you.

And you know what, I am right there with you!

External motivators, such as work, are restrictive and set expectations on your time. As mothers we are naturally focused on our children and their needs but who is there for us?

Over the past two months, my life has changed dramatically. I started a full-time job while working continuing to work two part-time jobs, running this business, and being there for my family. In no way am I writing this to complain? I love my life but it is a lot, and the point I want to get across is that like you I’m ridiculously busy and because of all those demands on my time I’ve neglected myself. I am so tired that I wake up feeling nervous just from the dreams I had the night before.

At some point, I realized that I was running non-stop to hide from myself. Yes, hide. It has been easier to be there for everything and everyone else so that I don’t have to focus on myself. It is comforting to join the conversation with all the other tired, stressed out, caffeine addicted moms. It feels good to know that I am not alone in my struggle and I can fit into the community because of it. I’m just tired of this process. I’m exhausted all the time and the only thing keeping me awake are the three cups of coffees.

time for you

Two weeks ago, I decided to make some changes. I reassessed my priorities and what is most important to me. I went back through my journals and realized that I made a decision two years ago to create a life I love and on my terms. Back then, I vowed not to let myself spiral down a black hole ever again (post-partum anxiety). So, I went back to basics.

Yes, I have kids and a husband who need me, but I created a plan that fits into my life and sets me up to honor and love myself daily.

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I spent some time journaling my feelings and creating a clear picture of what I want for my life. I want a life that is centered, prosperous and peaceful. I created a morning and night routine that allows me to start and end my day with a strong mindfulness practice. I spend 5 minutes a day writing in my gratitude journal and another ten minutes stretching my body. In doing so, I created a practice that supports my mental, spiritual and physical needs in a manageable way. Yes, I have kids and a husband who need me, but I created a plan that fits into my life and sets me up to honor and love myself daily.

So, what can you learn from my story:

1. Define What “Me Time” Means to You

When I ask women how they manage to take me time, they look at me like I have three heads. They ask what is “me time”? I usually chuckle at this question because I think we have to believe “me time” needs to be a 24 hour day in a hotel room without your kids or partner. That doesn’t need to be the case. You have to define what me time is for you. It’s possible that you will feel fully refreshed by taking a 20-minute long shower when your child goes to sleep. It could mean you need two girl weekends away a year. You decide what me time looks and feels for you.

2. Schedule It

Make a cute name for your me time. I keep it simple and just say Mommy’s Time Off. Then schedule the time. Make it part of your commitments. Prioritize that time just like you would prioritize work or child’s doctor appointment. Your you time is just as important and requires your attention.

3. Stay In the Moment

Whether you gift yourself with five minutes a day or 5 days a year, work on focusing and enjoying the moment, which means you aren't spending your time checking in on your kids or thinking about a deadline or worrying over a bill. During your you time, you just focused on you and what you are doing at the moment.

At the end of this article, I’m leaving you with a journal page to complete. I am asking you to stop leaving yourself for last. With small changes and add-ons to your schedule, you can find a time that is just for you. Whatever you want to focus on during this period is possible and manageable. I urge you to make the time for you; you need to feel complete, happier and demonstrating self-love. What can you do to schedule at least 15 minutes a day for yourself?

Time For You Journal Page!

Time For You

Twitter - @chooseyoulove

Facebook - @chooseyoubeyou