The Complexities of Being A Woman First and A Mom Second

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A Mom's Life Doesn't Allow for us to Put Ourselves First

Given all the demands on our plates, how realistic is it to put your needs as a woman before those of a mom? It is difficult as hell! 

Women experience guilt for even thinking about prioritizing themselves. As moms we often can't see how to create the space for me time. I am someone who has had that mindset. My internal language included phrases such as "I'm not allowed to" and "People won't understand if..."  

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I had to call bull on these thoughts. It took me a long time to let go of the programming saying what I was supposed to be doing. I needed to shut that down and focus on what was going to be best for me as a woman and a mother. Deep down inside you know its time to do the same!

You know the best gift you can give your child is being a woman who is loving herself and focusing on bringing that best version of herself to the forefront.

Balancing who you are as a woman and who you are as a mother can become tricky. On the one hand, your child very much depends on you for everything, on the other hand, you have a life to live beyond your child. The boundaries between womanhood and motherhood will shift many times along your journey but constantly prioritizing your needs is what will keep you focused, aligned and feeling joy. 

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Why do I write so much on the topic of identity? If you've been following me for a while, you might be wondering why I've focused on the subject of identity in motherhood for the past couple of months. I am going to shift my blog topics soon, but I hope you stay with me through this post. 

When I write about identity, I am talking about the expressions and beliefs someone has. The mothers I work with tell me they have a nagging feeling that they want more out of their life. These women don't know where the feeling is coming from or what to do about it, but they just know something has to change. To make these shifts, you can't go from not knowing where these feelings come from to making massive changes in your life. To get you started, I created a no-opt in download for you. When you click on the image, you will be taken to the download page for the document. Print the page out (I believe in the connection between writing your thoughts and the changes you can make), find a quiet space and gift yourself with 15 minutes to complete this handout. I know you can do it. Just take the time to think through your responses and really connect with the words you are putting down. 

Identity Worksheet

Repeat this Mantra: 

I Truly Value Who I am @chooseyoulove

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As you explored these questions you may instinctively wanted to focus on what is best for your children. I feel that motherly pull often, but I have noticed that when I stay true to my desires and values, I make better decisions regarding myself and my son. 

Keep in mind that this process to define an identity as a woman and a mother is a difficult one. That’s why you ought to start nurturing individuality in your child even as you regain yours. You serve as a role model for your child as well. Your ability to have a full life gives your child a glimpse into the possibilities for their own life. This is a complex issue because we often believe that to help our children we have to constantly be there for them, however this isn't true. I was reading a short post recently stating that most college students are fearful of how to take care of themselves for the first time. Many students sense anxiety over the basics of laundry and managing their own time without their parents constant support. It is ok to step away and let them learn how to pick themselves up after failing. It is ok to focus on you. 

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Remember the distinction between being a woman and mother is not always clear.

"Personally, I fought the data with everything I have. Over and over, I heard the idea of self-love as a prerequisite to loving others, and I hated it. Sometimes it's so much easier to love Steve and the kids than it is to love myself. It's so much easier to accept their quirks and eccentricities than it is to practice self-love around what I see as my deep flaws. But in practicing self-love over the past couple of years, I can say that it has immeasurably deepened my relationships with the people I love. It's given me the courage to show up and be vulnerable in new ways, and that's what love is all about." - Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

How do you create or work to create the balance between knowing who you are as a woman and being a mother? Comment Below. 

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