The woman in the mirror
In my first two posts, I dug into my experience with PPA (post-partum anxiety). Those moments of anxiety were hard but the recovery has been even harder. I still have moments of doubt. I also have a sense that I am being who I once was! I had to take a hard look at myself in the mirror to really see who I am now!
I knew going back to work, socializing with my friends and staying active with my baby were all helping me get to a better place emotionally. There was just one area of my life I just couldn't get back to normal, my normal!
I had no interest in sexy time, solo or with the SO. It was like going from 60 to -30. Seriously! I just felt like I was going in reverse. Whenever the idea of sex came my way, I was literally running in the other direction. The SO was not happy! Sorry, hunny.
Sex isn't just important for my relationship but it is critical for me. It took a while before I figured out what sexy means to me but when I decided to choose to love myself again, that meant committing to loving all of me and sex is a part of that! I used to love sex! I was all for it, and here I was running away from it. My lady parts and I just weren't on the same page.
But guess what??? It took a while but I got my mojo back..oh yeah! It did!
Well, it took some gentle baby steps and then some major scary steps. But, let's start with the baby ones:
1. Start looking in the mirror.
I actually just started standing in front of the mirror, all natural. After delivery, i was ashamed of how I looked. My post baby body was not giving me anything to sing about, that is until I started actually looking at my body with love. The stretch marks that haunted me reminded me of the beautiful baby I carried. The breasts I worried over, fed a human being for six months! I started to feel pride in my body and eventually found love for the body that keeps me on this earth.
2. Start being kind to yourself.
I started small here but I did one kind thing for me every day. I started with just smiling at myself when I passed my reflection. I took some extra time in soothing baths. I took myself on walks. I really started to learn how to be kind to me. I learned to listen to the universe.
3. Love notes.
Hey, it's not just your partner that deserves to know you care. At the end of a journal page, I would write one thing I loved about myself. Well, some days it was more things I like but I grew to love that part of my day. As I read old journal entries, I appreciated those parts of my writing even more. I even posted affirmations related to what I wrote about on my mirror.
lesson Learned: Start small with choosing to love you. Take time to know yourself again because loving yourself in the first step in any recovery
Join me next time, as I share how I started enjoying S E X, again! Yikes!
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